See that salad up there? With beets, and arugula, and a well-made vinaigrette? Yeah, that’s my salad. I bought it. With my money. And now I’m going to eat it. With my mouth. And if you knew what’s good for you, you’d buy it and eat it too. Because you should buy things and eat things that are good for you. And brush your teeth. At least twice daily. And don’t do drugs. Unless they’re of the pharmaceutical variety. And only then if they’re prescribed by a doctor, your doctor, who’s familiar with your specific medical record. And only then after doing your own independent research into the efficacy and wholesomeness of said drugs (which research should only include the reading of blogs like this). And only then if you’re legitimately dying. And only then if…just don’t do any drugs. Eat salads. Like this fucking salad. Man that’s a great salad. Look at that salad. That salad will change your life. Then maybe you yourself can take a picture of your own healthy salad and write a post about how great your salad is, and then you too will change other peoples’ lives by getting them to eat great fucking salads like that great fucking salad. Dammit, now my salad is cold. Wait, it’s supposed to be cold. Booyah.

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